I’m usually terrified of drawing animals. Well, the non-human kind at least.
Below was my first attempt at drawing reindeer, and they ended up looking somewhat like horses with large bulbous asses and mutated antlers contorting out of their heads.
There’s really not a whole lotta surfing comic strips out there and I can’t really see too many people, besides surfers, actually reading them. Surfing to outsiders is deemed somewhat of a mystery sport; one where unemployed pot-heads with limited vocabulary are trotting around the globe in some perpetual watery ritual. Maybe, as surfers, it’s in our nature to really not give two hoots about anything else but the time, place and direction of the next swell, so writing or reading a comic strip is just a waste of precious time. And that’s understandable. As a grom, the only reading I ever did was under photo captions in SURFER mag. Shakespeare? Who’s that? #@%& off! Gimme waves!
So good or bad, classic or crud, here’s a few others I’ve found:
Kool-Aid is basically a cheap and affordable way to flavor your shitty tasting tap water. Yep. It dupes your taste buds into forgetting the floating carcinogens, kryptonites and other various eroded metals contained within your tasty beverage squeezed from the rusty faucet.
It was originally invented by a guy in Nebraska in 1927, far away from waves and normal civilization. But it wasn’t in the powdery form we all came to love. It was in a liquid concentrated form and it was appropriately called Fruit Smack. Thirsty? HAVE SOME SMACK!!!!
Did you know that Kool-Aid also sports a ton of fun flavors? You can drink flavors like lifeless Grape, or get crazy, and sip some Yabba Dabba Doo Berry. But did you also know there’s a flavor called Sharkleberry Fin? It’s f-king Fintastic! When else does the Kool-Aid man get to surf on the back of a mutant shark all krunked up on copious amounts of pink Kool-Aid. What a flavor. What a trip, man. You should try it.
Oh SNAP! Shark on a raft exploding out of the water. Watch out!
This clip is probably one of the most embarrassing moments in surfing history.
Warning: Watching this clip may make you gay.
Wow. I didn’t know a Californian sunset could reverse itself so quickly and turn into broad daylight. Amazing. Apparently the producers have altered the earth’s rotation—just for the show! Awesome.
OK. Why does she toss her hair when there’s no wind, or hair, really? Did it get in your eyes? I’m confused. Maybe she was pretending there was a strong breeze riding at 3mph. Oh, i get it. It was for effect. Check mark.
Alright, and then she’s wearing a bikini and spandex on her scenic-beachcruiser with ultra- sexy white socks and sneaks—which is hot, and beside the point. But then all of a sudden she’s sporting a one-piece on the beach. Jazz hands, it’s magic!
And oh Jimmy Slade. Jimmy Slade! What about those trunks? Looks like you bought those at K-Mart….you know, the cheapy ones with the elastic waist band and mesh panty liner inside. World champions don’t live out of dilapidated vans and wear five dollar trunks.
Well, at least she looks overly euphoric—most likely pre-orgasmic —getting a surf lesson Ala Master Slade. But Hey! Why does she pick up her board, pretend she’s gonna carry it to the water, and then ingloriously slam it on the sand only to walk away afterwards? That bitch. How dare her. You don’t treat hand shaped ez-foam boards like that, and you certainly don’t treat Jimmy Slade like that. He had hair god damn it. Hair.
Every surfer needs a drinking strategy. Let me explain.
Nothing washes out the sinuses better than a cold brew after a fun session. You can sit down, chill, and lay it all down about how the better parts went out: how this one wave lined-up perfect and you solidly hit it four times, and how, thereafter, Taylor Knox high-fived you on the beach and recommended you surf the world tour. Or how you caught this magical bomb that came dredging down the beach, with your only option being to get slotted for a standard ten second barrel, putting G-Land to shame. But that’s too positive. You also gotta sprinkle in a little story or two about how you were wronged by some absentminded putz, who almost dinged your board. Ding! Ding! He’s done.
Guess we can all agree that the post-sesh fesitivities are great; but its ugly little kid sister is definitely not, and she’s that bitch called “pre-sesh festivities.”
You’re often rewarded, by both mother nature and humanity, by waking up early and catching the morning commuter wave train. The winds are more often favorable and it’ll most likely be less crowded (keyword: less) than any other time during the day. But a night-before drinking binge will erase all of this and you’ll get to surf the afternoon all chopped up and hung over. It’s definitely not recommended to partake in such activities before a new swell arives, or at least do so in moderation (I personnaly don’t like upchucking MillerLites on the paddle-out).
But whatever. Shit happens. We get excited and things end up far and away from how we planned them. Just remember that the next time you start watering your system and heading down the path to ruin, there’s always some other surfer out there doing the opposite and getting ready for the morning attack.
Glad to know that when I’m 15 miles out paddling in the open seas, lonely trolling along trying to find a 100ft rogue wave and other various watery delights, I can have full confidence in my equipment knowing that an emergency beacon will be sent out if I “wipe out too harshly” in the slippery seas. No need for Brian Keaulana to save me. I’ve got mother f-kin’ GPS! Great Idea!
